How my Definition of Family was Shaped

When I was contemplating writing my memoir a realization hit me so hard it felt like a bullet train moving full speed down the railroad track and hitting me full force in its wake.

Before I share this story, I need to preface it by saying my family is amazing. I didn't have a bad childhood, I never went without. My parents separated when my sister and I were young, but they didn't stop being great parents. I had all of the things I ever wanted or needed. And I wasn't affected by their separation in the normal sense. My parents are more incomparable than trying to play a VHS tape in a DVD player.

Having said that, what I realized was, that it did affect me on some level. It affected my view of what a real family was. What it meant to be part of a family unit. And yes, both of my parents did their absolute best to make sure that I felt loved and all of that. I'm just trying to make it clear that I'm not saying, in any way that my parents did anything wrong. I have amazing parents and I'm lucky to have had them as parents.

There were two men, two families, that helped me define what family was. Tim Kennedy and Rob Ceal.

Tim was one of my mom's boyfriends when we lived in Devon, when we were younger.. Tim and his daughter Leah actually lived with us for awhile. Now, some of you that knew Tim are currently thinking Oh Mike, he treated your mom horribly. and He was an alcoholic and sbusive. Yes, I know all of that. But, as a child I never, ever saw any of it . He would read us stories in bed every night, he would take us for bike rides, play video games with us. Do all of the things that, as a child, make you feel loved and cared for. That's how I remember him. He and his daughter Leah were the closest thing, and will slways be the closest thing, I've ever had to a step dad and step sister. They taught my young self more about being part of a family than they will ever know. Tim sadly passed away from alcoholism a few years ago. I never got the chance to tell him how much he meant to me, and maybe that's because I didn't know until now. All that I can hope, is that somehow he knows.

The other man, the other family, was Rob Ceal. More so, Rob Ceal and Michelle. Rob was my ex and best friend, Randi's, dad. After he and his wife Joanne divorced, he got together with Michelle. Being a part of their lives, getting to learn from them, meant more to me than they'll ever know. Rob taught me so much about loyalty, honour, family, devotion. He lead his life by example and, oh boy, those examples are enough to fill a hundred volumes of 1,000 pages in size 12 font, double sided with no spaces. When I was around Rob and Michelle and his family, I felt like I was part of it. I felt loved, included, accepted. And it may have been to my detriment. After Randi and I broke up, I was so heartbroken that I was losing the love of that family, because it felt like my own. I felt like I was part of that family. Hell, when Rob and Michelle broke up for a bit and I heard about it, it literally broke my heart. It hurt more than my parents separation ever did. I think, had I understood better at the time, why I was having such a strong reaction to this, I would have handled things better. And to all of the Ceal family, I'm sorry for how I did handle it.

These two families, these two men, taught me more about love, life, family, then they will ever know. If they ever met in the great beyond, they'd be best friends, I have no doubt.

So, all that I know. All I can say, is thank you. Thank you to Tim, Leah, Rob, Michelle, Randi, Raye, Anna and Bobbi. You all taught me enough about family to last a lifetime. I love you all.