From England, With Love

 Love can be a difficult thing to find, for anyone. However, when you are gay and have a disability it's even more difficult.

All of my life I have struggled with social anxiety around large groups of people, especially around those I don't know. I was the shy one in school who had very few friends, until high school of course. I finally found friends who genuinely wanted to be associated with me. They helped me break through my social anxiety mould and see that I could make friends, If I just tried. My first relationship lasted five years, and in all honesty looking back on it now, was purely puppy love. It was never real, true love. Although, I suppose that shouldn't be too suprising, since we were both kids. We didn't know what we were doing. I believe that everything happens for a reason though. Every interaction, relationship, encounter, they are all meant to teach us something and to help us grow. That relationship taught me a lot. It taught me what I did and didn't deserve from a partner. It taught me that I first had to love myself before I could be loved. It taught me all the things I needed in order to find the right person, even if they were over a thousand miles away in a different country.

After my first relationship ended, I did a lot of soul searching. I spent the next five years trying to find myself, trying to figure out exactly who I was, what I wanted, and where I wanted to go. I guess I have always felt insecure about my disability and being rejected solely on the basis of my disability. I could never go into a bar or go on a blind date because I was far too nervous. I was far to afraid that someone I thought was cute would take one look at me and start laughing. Which is why, after years of soul searching, I tried online dating.

You would think that being behind a screen would make me feel less insecure, and in the beginning it did. Not having to basically out myself as having a disability right away made me feel a bit more confident. I was on four dating sites, over the span of a year and I had two dates and very few conversations online. Needless to say I gave up on the online dating apps. They certainly work for some people, but not for me.

So I went onto a non dating app called Twitter and met the love of my life.

Ok, let me back that up a bit. I joined Twitter to meet people who enjoyed Law & Order Special Victims Unit and Greys Anatomy. I was a part of both communities and met a lot of cool people through them. One day, while talking to a girl named Charlie, I saw a picture of her. I know the old saying "It took my breath away" is clique, but in this case it was also true. This beautiful British woman in a three piece suit and cropped red hair literally took my breath away. We began talking more on Twitter, and eventually on WhatsApp, and I found myself falling madly in love with her. I finally got up the courage to tell her, and luckily she felt the same way. I did not admit to having a disability until a few months into our relationship. Her response? She told me it didn't matter to her. She loved me for who I was, completely. Up until that point, in my life, I truly believed I would never find someone who felt that way. I believed that I would never find someone who would put up with my short term memory loss or my hearing or visual impairment. Charlie proved me wrong though. She showed me, and continues to show me, that I am worthy of true, unconditional love. We spent 92 days doing long distance until she came to visit me in September 2018. It was hard for both of us over the course of 92 days. But we got through it. We talked every single day and night and texted constantly. Every single day I felt myself falling even more in love with her. And when she finally got here in September, that love only got stronger.

Over the next four months, I would visit her in England twice, a trip I never thought I would ever take in my life. Then on January 28th, 2019 she moved to Canada. With a two year work Visa in her hand, she moved to Canada to be with me. And now we are beyond happy together and I am happier than I ever imagined I could be.

What Charlie has proved to me is that things take time. If you are feeling unworthy or unwanted for any reason whatsoever, just wait. And yes, oh yes, waiting can feel like trying to move a mountain, but trust me. Everything happens when it's suppose to. Everything happens how it's supposed to. If you just give it time, if you just hold on and wait a little bit longer, I promise you, great things will happen for you. You are worthy, we all are. And who knows? All it might take is creating a Twitter account.